Review for Love Kill

Review by: xiaoxi
Fanfic Tittle: Love Kills
Fanfic Author: Vi3tjcn
Fanfic URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Vi3tjcn2/

Title: 8/10
The title fits the story, but I thought it was a bit lacking. It isn’t very attractive, for we all know love hurts most of the time and therefore makes the title ‘Love Kills’ rather plain and boring.

Foreword: 2/10
It was hard for me to decide whether I should rate you on foreword, considering that Love Kills was a one-shot. However, your one-shot entered its climax nearly immediately and so I thought it would’ve been better if you made use of forewords to provide some background information on Jiyong and Sohee’s relationship (which means I decided to rate you on foreword). How long have they actually been dating or how much in love are they? I feel it would have been better if you used a few paragraphs to build up the story. It could’ve also been used as a bait to lure in readers. All I got to know from your foreword was that Sunye would be taking the role of a bad person. That’s not exactly very exciting.

Appearance: 8/10
The dark hues used for your poster and background told much about how your story would be - gloomy and sad. The poster also served as a character chart which would come in pretty handy for readers who do not know the three main characters. The only minus was that your font colour is difficult to read against a black background. It would’ve been better if you used light grey for your font colour (considering that white against black would be a bit too glaring for the eye).

Plot: 10/15
The plot seems underdeveloped because I don’t really know how deep the relationship was for Jiyong and Sohee. But what happened after was more detailed, and taking into account that Love Kills basically tells the story of how love killed Sohee, I gave credit.
But the trap which Jiyong fell into? What trap was Jiyong talking about? Was Sunye using Youngbae just to get close to Jiyong? Why would she want to get Jiyong when she knew her best friend, Sohee, was with him? Wash her friendship with Sohee just part of her plan too? This part was left unexplained and it left me wondering.

Flow: 8.5/10
The pace was a little quick for me, but considering it was a one-shot, I guess you can’t exactly dillydally either.

Originality: 8.5/10
The plot isn’t original. However, I gave you credit for attempting to add a little twist to it by making Sohee pregnant.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I managed to catch a few mistakes here and there as I was reading, but it did not really inconvenience me in my reading experience and therefore I did not bother too much about it. However, good presentation is essential and you should always proofread before you post. This minimizes the chances of you creating a mistake in spelling/grammar/punctuation/vocabulary and makes reading more pleasant and enjoyable.

I believe the ’bed thingy’ you meant was stretcher. You should never use ‘bed thingy’ to represent what you had wanted to say, even if you do not know what it’s called. By naming it ‘bed thingy’, it makes your writing unprofessional. You could have used something as substitute, such as a ‘movable bed’ or something along the lines of it. The best solution is for you to check what it is really called. With the help of the internet it should be quite an easy task. Laziness is no excuse.

Characterization: 6/10
Jiyong and Sohee pairing seemed to be a bit overused, but I enjoyed seeing the two together. The down side was how your carved Jiyong’s character. I could tell Jiyong meant the world to Sohee, such that his betrayal left her hankering after death. For Jiyong’s case however, it appeared that he had quite a lot of feelings for Sohee but why did he still went to bed with his buddy’s girlfriend? If he knows Sunye, then surely he must know that Sohee is best friends with her? Why did he bed Sohee’s best friend if he loved her so much? Wasn’t he afraid of hurting Sohee and Youngbae?

Writing Style: 7.5/10
Your writing style is easy to comprehend, but there are occasional mistakes in sentence structure and spelling/grammar/punctuation/vocabulary.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Bonus: 1/5
I like authors who interact with readers :)

Total: 70/105

Reviewer’s note:
I admit I’m quite a harsh reviewer and might have given you a lower score than others might have. However, I rate based on what I feel would be best for creating an ideal fic and pleasant reading experience. Honestly, if I wasn’t reviewing this fic and am just reading it as a normal reader, I would think your language use is considered good (because I’m seeing more and more of fics surfacing on winglin which requires major proofreading and correcting).
The part which really pulled you down was your forewords. If you find it unnecessary to include Jiyong and Sohee’s deep relationship, I suggest you can actually include an excerpt of the most exciting part of Love Kills. This lures in readers and get people hyped up about what might happen next.
Good luck and thanks for requesting!
P/S Merry xmas, your one-shot got reviewed on xmas day LOL! :D
Xiaoxi, loves.