Title: Where U At?
Author: Lucia
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Lucia4/
Reviewer: JJ’s Love @ http://jjforeverdbsk.webs.com/
Title : -10/10 I think the title follows the story..
Foreword : -10/10 Liked your forewords,they gave me uhm the most information which I needed to know.
Appearance : -10/10 I Liked the poster,it caught my attention, cute and simple,I like simple things, the background was good,it didn’t bother me to actually read the story.
Plot : -14/15 I must say I read a lot of stories and this plot was unique,just slightly there were things that most fanfics have, but oh well I won’t be too harsh.
Flow : -10/10
Creativity/Originality : -9/10
Spelling/Grammar/ Vocabulary : -9/10 There were a few mistakes, so I give you an advice to pay attention to your spelling,don’t rush too much when you type, and your vocabulary is really good! .
Characterization : -10/10
Writing Style : -10/10 Really loved it, from the way how it looks like and ending with how you described everything.
Overall Enjoyment : -5/5 Even for a one shot I think it could be a bit longer.
Bonus: -5/5
Total: -102/105
Congratulations!
I really loved the story! It was really exciting,actually more refreshing for me after all the rated stuff I read :D, well I hope you’ll keep writing more stories and don’t forget: you’ll always improve!
Keep up the good work.
<< JJ’s Love >>
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Review for From Zero to Hero.
Title: From Zero To Hero
Author: Vi3tjcn
Fanfic URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Vi3tjcn3
Reviewer: JJ’s Love @ http://jjforeverdbsk.webs.com/
Title : -10/10 Well the title suits the story.
Foreword : -1/10 I think you could describe your characters in the forewords and tell a bit more about the story,but I didn’t see anything of that.
Appearance : -8/10 The background is really simple,yet it’s easy to read the story that way, the poster uhm.. I think it could be a bit better,like showing something interesting on it would do the job.
Plot : -15/15 Loved the plot. It’s refreshing thing for me,I haven’t seen such plots for a really long time and it’s nice to read it.
Flow : -10/10
Creativity/Originality : -9/10
Spelling/Grammar/ Vocabulary : -10/10
Characterization : -10/10
Writing Style : -10/10 It was simple to read and to look at.
Overall Enjoyment : -3/5 Even for a one shot I think it could be a bit longer.
Bonus: -5/5
Total: -91/105
Congratulations!
I enjoyed reading your story,but in my opinion it could be a bit longer,but in overall I enjoyed it a lot! ^^
Keep up the good work.
<< JJ’s Love >>
Author: Vi3tjcn
Fanfic URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Vi3tjcn3
Reviewer: JJ’s Love @ http://jjforeverdbsk.webs.com/
Title : -10/10 Well the title suits the story.
Foreword : -1/10 I think you could describe your characters in the forewords and tell a bit more about the story,but I didn’t see anything of that.
Appearance : -8/10 The background is really simple,yet it’s easy to read the story that way, the poster uhm.. I think it could be a bit better,like showing something interesting on it would do the job.
Plot : -15/15 Loved the plot. It’s refreshing thing for me,I haven’t seen such plots for a really long time and it’s nice to read it.
Flow : -10/10
Creativity/Originality : -9/10
Spelling/Grammar/ Vocabulary : -10/10
Characterization : -10/10
Writing Style : -10/10 It was simple to read and to look at.
Overall Enjoyment : -3/5 Even for a one shot I think it could be a bit longer.
Bonus: -5/5
Total: -91/105
Congratulations!
I enjoyed reading your story,but in my opinion it could be a bit longer,but in overall I enjoyed it a lot! ^^
Keep up the good work.
<< JJ’s Love >>
Friday, January 1, 2010
Review for Beautiful... Yet Imperfect Assassins[R]
Story: Beautiful... Yet Imperfect Assassins[R]
Author: .·:*¨¨*:·.EüKì♥.·:*¨¨*:·.
Reviewed by: th1rd3ye
Title: 7/10
Pretty title and interesting, but, it is too long.
Foreword: 9.5/10
Your foreword is almost perfect. There is the list of characters and who they are, a simple and alluring prologue and also a concise summary. The only regret is the English Language errors sprinkled in the foreword, which makes the foreword sounds incoherent.
Appearance: 6.5/10
The poster is bright but the background is plain. I would say that the appearance was alright. At least the font colour fits with the dark background and so reading the fanfic will not be a hard task. Readers do not have to strain their eyes. However, I think that the different colours used in the poster seemed to cover the characters’ faces and made the poster looked a little too confusing, making it less appealing.
Plot: 10/15
Your plot is not unusual so I could not give you a higher score. Having beautiful assassins who lived double lives and then having missions to kill are typical plots. Usually, the next development will be that the assassins and spies will fall in love with their preys. However, I will leave you the benefit of doubt since your story is incomplete now.
Flow: 9/10
Flow of the story is just right. However, I deducted one point as in my opinion, you have slowed the story a little by having a little too many sexual scenes between Eun Hye and Hyun Joong.
Originality: 7/10
As I have mentioned earlier, such a plot is quite common. However, you certainly have your own way of writing and your own ideas. So I can see that you are rather original and creative.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 4.5/10
At first, I was rather impressed with the adjectives you used. Your vocabulary is not bad. However, later, as I read your story, there seemed to be a lack of more detailed descriptions of the characters and their surroundings. Also, your grammar is rather weak. There are many abrupt sudden changes in tenses which confuse me and most probably your readers too. Do take note and proofread. The errors below are some examples I picked up:
[1] Women wanted to be them so badly. They are so beautiful. [Foreword] – Note the sudden change in tenses, from past tense to present tense. It should be “were” instead of “are”.
[2] Eunnie, Bunny, Bibi and Seungi are one of Asia's top and most notorious assassins. [Foreword] – You listed the four names and then stated that they “are one of…” It should be “they were Asia’s top and most notorious assassins and spies.” This is so as in the later part of the story, you had explained that only two of them were assassins.
[3] Eunhye asked as she curls a small spot of Hyun Joong's hair using her index finger. Hyun Joong just smirk. [Chapter 3] – Note the abrupt changes in tenses in these sentences. Past tense should be used consistently. Change “curls” and “smirk” to “curled” and “smirked” respectively, please.
[4] Maki said bluntly. The other two girls chuckles. [Chapter 4] – It should be “The other two girls chuckled.”
[5] She clear her throats first. [Chapter 5] – “She cleared her throat first.” There should be no “s” after the throat. One person has only one throat. I suppose that it is a typo.
[6] Hyun Joong said anxiously. Eunhye laughs. [Chapter 5] – It should be “laughed” instead of “laughs”.
[7] Mines is horny [Chapter 5] – There should be no “s” after “mine”. It should be “Mine’s horny”. If you want to use the short form of “is” which is the “’s”, please do not add another “is” anymore. The sentence will be incoherent and grammatically incorrect.
Characterisation: 8/10
I think your characterisation is quite good. The personalities of the girls and Hyun Joong are clear. However, all the characters seemed to be overly sexually obsessed. I wanted you to show more clearly about the girls’ distinctive characters but somehow I do not see it in the story yet. Maybe the further developments will bring out more of their distinctive personalities.
Writing Style: 7/10
Your story is easily understood, but to reach the impressive stage, you still have to work harder. Do strive on! Also, your paragraphing is rather neat. Your writing style is neat too. It is not confusing and you cleared up your errors as soon as you could. I think you could work on your grammar more.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Bonus: 4/5
I am in love with most of the male characters. There is the deduction of one point due to your English Language errors, since they sort of turned me off. Do strive on.
Total: 75.5/100
Author: .·:*¨¨*:·.EüKì♥.·:*¨¨*:·.
Reviewed by: th1rd3ye
Title: 7/10
Pretty title and interesting, but, it is too long.
Foreword: 9.5/10
Your foreword is almost perfect. There is the list of characters and who they are, a simple and alluring prologue and also a concise summary. The only regret is the English Language errors sprinkled in the foreword, which makes the foreword sounds incoherent.
Appearance: 6.5/10
The poster is bright but the background is plain. I would say that the appearance was alright. At least the font colour fits with the dark background and so reading the fanfic will not be a hard task. Readers do not have to strain their eyes. However, I think that the different colours used in the poster seemed to cover the characters’ faces and made the poster looked a little too confusing, making it less appealing.
Plot: 10/15
Your plot is not unusual so I could not give you a higher score. Having beautiful assassins who lived double lives and then having missions to kill are typical plots. Usually, the next development will be that the assassins and spies will fall in love with their preys. However, I will leave you the benefit of doubt since your story is incomplete now.
Flow: 9/10
Flow of the story is just right. However, I deducted one point as in my opinion, you have slowed the story a little by having a little too many sexual scenes between Eun Hye and Hyun Joong.
Originality: 7/10
As I have mentioned earlier, such a plot is quite common. However, you certainly have your own way of writing and your own ideas. So I can see that you are rather original and creative.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 4.5/10
At first, I was rather impressed with the adjectives you used. Your vocabulary is not bad. However, later, as I read your story, there seemed to be a lack of more detailed descriptions of the characters and their surroundings. Also, your grammar is rather weak. There are many abrupt sudden changes in tenses which confuse me and most probably your readers too. Do take note and proofread. The errors below are some examples I picked up:
[1] Women wanted to be them so badly. They are so beautiful. [Foreword] – Note the sudden change in tenses, from past tense to present tense. It should be “were” instead of “are”.
[2] Eunnie, Bunny, Bibi and Seungi are one of Asia's top and most notorious assassins. [Foreword] – You listed the four names and then stated that they “are one of…” It should be “they were Asia’s top and most notorious assassins and spies.” This is so as in the later part of the story, you had explained that only two of them were assassins.
[3] Eunhye asked as she curls a small spot of Hyun Joong's hair using her index finger. Hyun Joong just smirk. [Chapter 3] – Note the abrupt changes in tenses in these sentences. Past tense should be used consistently. Change “curls” and “smirk” to “curled” and “smirked” respectively, please.
[4] Maki said bluntly. The other two girls chuckles. [Chapter 4] – It should be “The other two girls chuckled.”
[5] She clear her throats first. [Chapter 5] – “She cleared her throat first.” There should be no “s” after the throat. One person has only one throat. I suppose that it is a typo.
[6] Hyun Joong said anxiously. Eunhye laughs. [Chapter 5] – It should be “laughed” instead of “laughs”.
[7] Mines is horny [Chapter 5] – There should be no “s” after “mine”. It should be “Mine’s horny”. If you want to use the short form of “is” which is the “’s”, please do not add another “is” anymore. The sentence will be incoherent and grammatically incorrect.
Characterisation: 8/10
I think your characterisation is quite good. The personalities of the girls and Hyun Joong are clear. However, all the characters seemed to be overly sexually obsessed. I wanted you to show more clearly about the girls’ distinctive characters but somehow I do not see it in the story yet. Maybe the further developments will bring out more of their distinctive personalities.
Writing Style: 7/10
Your story is easily understood, but to reach the impressive stage, you still have to work harder. Do strive on! Also, your paragraphing is rather neat. Your writing style is neat too. It is not confusing and you cleared up your errors as soon as you could. I think you could work on your grammar more.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Bonus: 4/5
I am in love with most of the male characters. There is the deduction of one point due to your English Language errors, since they sort of turned me off. Do strive on.
Total: 75.5/100
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